Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The Hanging Slidepiece Man Crush List

If you're a man and you dig deep down, you know they're there. It's the guys you secretly have a bit of a man crush on. Or maybe you don't have to dig so far down, and it's not so secret. Mine have never been secrets, and now I'm putting my baseball player man crush list on the internet for public consumption. Without further ado...

National League

Brad Lidge- Perfect 48 for 48 in the Phillies World Series run... dirty slider alone is man crush worthy

Shane Victorino- Living my dream as the Phillies centerfielder... speed, energy, occasional pop

Jayson Werth- A bit like Victorino, without the brain cramps... I also love that he never shaves or gets a haircut during the season, which I also aspire to do

J.C. Romero- Herky-jerky lefty setup man... hard-sinking fastball, good change, tough breaking ball... also love how when he shakes off the catcher, he makes a face like "What? Are you an idiot? I'm not throwing that pitch"

Matt Lindstrom- 99 is no joke

Hanley Ramirez- might be the best player in the division who's name doesn't rhyme with Base Mutley

Garrett Anderson- consistent, underrated, good guy

Ryan Freel- Would dive through or into pretty much anything to make a catch. Like that old lady a few years back

Michael Bourn- Probably the fastest player I've ever seen in terms of pure speed... can't hit anything that throws lefthanded, but he got the Phillies Brad Lidge, so we'll forgive that

Roy Oswalt- Stud ace of the Astros... Owner Drayton McLain told him before game six of the '05 NLCS that if he won that game and sent the Astros to the World Series, he would buy Oswalt anything he wanted... Oswalt won the game, then asked for and received a Caterpillar bulldozer... how awesome is that?

Matt Kemp- he can throw, run, hit, everything... exciting player, very toolsy, easily my favorite of the Kemp/Ethier/Loney triumverate that some think are all the same guy

Tim Lincecum- Strange wind-up, power delivery out of a small frame... love the commercial with the avatar too

Eric Byrnes- See Ryan Freel and Aaron Rowand... emotional guy uses that emotion to show competitive fire instead of making up dances like half the Mets' roster

American League

Jonathan Papelbon- the perfect combination of a closer and his intro song with the Dropkick Murphys doing "I'm Shipping Up to Boston"... also throws hard and heavy, and pitches with a scowl

Jason Varitek- baseball's Maximus, a great leader for a championship team... his fight with A-Rod in '04 still stands as a defining moment in the rivalry, a real life example of how the Sox weren't going to be intimidated or pushed around by the Yankees anymore

Evan Longoria- Great baseball name... great baseball player

Roy Halladay- A man's man among aces... total horse, old school, give me the ball and leave me alone because I'm finishing this game pitcher... great to watch compete

Adam Jones- Star in waiting... think the Mariners would trade Erik Bedard back to Baltimore for Jones? Think the Orioles would? I'd guess the one word coming out of the mouths of Seattle executives about that deal- Oops.

Grady Sizemore- he's got all the tools, uses them well... if you can't tell I love centerfielders and closers

Josh Hamilton- So good that not even drug addiction could rob him of his talent... hits balls that shouldn't be possible to hit... great arm, speed, range, everything... might be the most talented player in baseball

Scot Shields- Just placed on DL for the season, but everything he throws is hard, nasty, and moves... nothing wrong with that

Brandon Morrow- Smoke, gas, cheese, heat, cheddar, bullets, etc, etc, etc... high-90s fastball, generally keeps it down, can look overpowering

Matt Holiday- Impact right-handed bat... hits for power and average, with good wheels... numbers now look a bit inflated by Coors Field, but he's still a player

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